maintain radio silence

Maintain radio silence

I walk along singing a gay tune

and notice you

maintain radio silence

I play the fool for a walk back

and follow you

maintain radio silence

you reluctantly open the door for me

I ask myself why do I

maintain radio silence

I have been in love with you for so long

but I

maintain radio silence

why?

you told me it was for the best.

I think a gentle hi and goodbye is ok

I don't want to

maintain radio silence

Free me from my cage

next time I will say hi.

I don't want to be your lover.

I am over thinking you could ever love me the way I love you

no longer will I

maintain radio silence

I am free

Angry

Have you ever seen steel magnolias.

There is a scene in the movie that makes me cry and laugh at the same time. The way that mother feels is how I feel.

I am so angry. So much pain from brokenness. I am just angry at it all. I have never really felt this kind of rage before. I squelch it out and then it comes back full on a couple hours or days later. My logic is not helping me. Usually I can dispense my logic to squelch feelings that are unnecessary.

I can a little bit with this. The oddest thing is that prayer usually brings it up.

Right now all I have calming me is my loud heavy metal music.

Dreams

I dreamed we were all together biking to get ice cream.

Of course we were all excited. You and I led the pack.

Then we got to the ice cream truck.

There were two men inside. They wanted to steal our money.

We took one of the guys down then you and I had a mortal combat with the two guys.

We won and had awesome ice cream to share with our friends.

porcelain heart

I miss you everyday.

Your name flows through my head when I pray.

I weep at my demise.

Who is here to pick up my pieces but the Lord.

It is like I was being held together by him.

The pieces of my porcelain heart are being glued back together.

Some are being held in place.

God gave me the glue.

I have to do some work for this putting together to work.

God holds me together,

but sometimes the memory of what happened shakes me up so much, I break apart once again.

I still miss you, and pray for you.

I am so glad you will never read this, but sometimes I just need somebody to.

Hit the Floor

Hit the floor running

Where am I going?

I don't care, I just have to get away.

too bad I am running from myself.

I can never get away.

Never be free.

Christ is to set me free.

I beg you then set me free.

I give you everything I have.

SET ME FREE.

As I lay chained never able to run away.

I dream of it

I can taste the wind.

Yet I sit on the floor of my own dungeon.

Powerless to escape.

Never will I be able to hit the floor running.

I am poor, broken, and weak.

LIFT ME UP.

Trees

A tree from far away looks calm

The leaves are uniformly leaves

The trunk is uniformly a trunk

As you move closer the tree becomes busy.

The bark on the trunk has texture.

The leaves are blinds that shade the sun,

but don't blot it out completely.

Then you come right up on the tree.

The bark on the trunk is teeming with life.

It is a city for insects, birds, and mammals.

The leaves have veins that accept nutrients

from the complicated network of twigs that run

up from the life teeming trunk

Silence

In essence it is golden

community in silence

lives more prosperous

because

in silence I support you

in silence I love you

in silence I sacrifice for you

There is no one important in silence

We are all equal

You are just as important as I am

There is nothing I can say that will ruin the

love I have for you

There is nothing you can say that will ruin the

love you have for me

Why then is silence so uncomfortable?

Trust

It is hard for me to trust you

It is hard for you to trust me

But

You CAN trust the spirit in me

I can trust the spirit in you

The spirit can move in our silence

The spirit speaks our peace

How often do we listen to the spirit at work within us?

That is why we are uncomfortable

We are not very good listeners

In silence we listen to be comfortable with each other.

In silence I listen to my savior

As I understand my savior

I understand you

because you are in relationship with him

Silence is my haven

I get to know you without conflict

And as we grow in Christ

I will grow in relationship with you

Silence is golden