Wednesday, September 29, 2010

maintain radio silence

Maintain radio silence
I walk along singing a gay tune
and notice you
maintain radio silence

I play the fool for a walk back
and follow you
maintain radio silence

you reluctantly open the door for me
I ask myself why do I
maintain radio silence

I have been in love with you for so long
but I
maintain radio silence

you told me it was for the best.
I think a gentle hi and goodbye is ok
I don't want to
maintain radio silence

Free me from my cage
next time I will say hi.
I don't want to be your lover.
I am over thinking you could ever love me the way I love you
no longer will I
maintain radio silence

I am free

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Have you ever seen steel magnolias.
There is a scene in the movie that makes me cry and laugh at the same time. The way that mother feels is how I feel.
I am so angry. So much pain from brokenness. I am just angry at it all. I have never really felt this kind of rage before. I squelch it out and then it comes back full on a couple hours or days later. My logic is not helping me. Usually I can dispense my logic to squelch feelings that are unnecessary.
I can a little bit with this. The oddest thing is that prayer usually brings it up.

Right now all I have calming me is my loud heavy metal music.