Sunday, November 21, 2010

My memories lie to me

"Don't touch me!"
I yelled at my father
He is my father I should trust him.
My skin crawls at his touch
Shouldn't I be normal.
I should enjoy the touch of any man
My memories lie to me.
Something happened
Someone touched me before I could even remember
Should I hate this unknown man?
How can I deal with something I can't even remember happening?
Who is to blame?
My parents.
My God.
This unknown man.
Would it help?
Will this ever be fixed in me?
Where do I fit in?
I wasn't born this way.
I will probably die this way.
I physically want her.
I mentally want him.
Am I confused?
Or have I finally hit a point of clarity?
Questions that Ph. D's will and do ponder.
I am left to deal with the consequences.

God works in mysterious ways

The Air is charged with your presence
electricity that immobilizes my muscles
Your touch brings those muscles to life once again
I can go about my duties once again
You encourage those duties saying I have done well
I fall before you in great sadness
For I have said and done things against you.
I have wronged you. You pull me close and say
"It is all right. I love you, and you are forgiven"
I rest in your arms
You stroke my head to calm my spirit.
A peace beyond understanding washes over me
I am unburdened to serve
I leave your arms to go about my duties
as a servant
I try to always be serving.
My pride disappears when I serve
You encourage me to serve.
Even as my tears fall on your feet in great remorse,
and I wipe them off with my hair
You encourage me to serve
I want to serve you,
but also everyone I come into contact with
I have the strength and perseverance
to do so because you have given them to me
Thank you

My Love