My memories lie to me

"Don't touch me!"

I yelled at my father

Why?

He is my father I should trust him.

My skin crawls at his touch

Why?

Shouldn't I be normal.

I should enjoy the touch of any man

My memories lie to me.

Something happened

Someone touched me before I could even remember

Should I hate this unknown man?

How?

How can I deal with something I can't even remember happening?

Who?

Who is to blame?

Myself.

My parents.

My God.

This unknown man.

Would it help?

No

Will this ever be fixed in me?

Where do I fit in?

I wasn't born this way.

I will probably die this way.

I physically want her.

I mentally want him.

Am I confused?

Or have I finally hit a point of clarity?

Questions that Ph. D's will and do ponder.

I am left to deal with the consequences.

God works in mysterious ways

The Air is charged with your presence

electricity that immobilizes my muscles

Your touch brings those muscles to life once again

I can go about my duties once again

You encourage those duties saying I have done well

I fall before you in great sadness

For I have said and done things against you.

I have wronged you. You pull me close and say

"It is all right. I love you, and you are forgiven"

I rest in your arms

You stroke my head to calm my spirit.

A peace beyond understanding washes over me

I am unburdened to serve

I leave your arms to go about my duties

as a servant

I try to always be serving.

My pride disappears when I serve

You encourage me to serve.

Even as my tears fall on your feet in great remorse,

and I wipe them off with my hair

You encourage me to serve

I want to serve you,

but also everyone I come into contact with

I have the strength and perseverance

to do so because you have given them to me

Thank you

My Love